And So It Begins A Matter of Attitude To Sleep, Perchance to Dream Hey Grandpa, What's for Dinner?
Is There a Doctor In the House? I Wonder as I Wander That's How I Spell Relief In the Mood
The Show Must Go On Short Circuit Sight Unseen That Wascally Wabbit Say What? Language Barrier
Lost and Found View from the Inside Who Am I? When I fall Down, You Pick Me Up The Work of Patience
Be Kind, Don't Be Blind Derailed Peace of My Mind Wet Grass Relax. I've Got You Covered Cleaning Cages
Coffee With Milk. Lots of Milk Slippin and Slidin Canned Chili What Do You See? Breaking up the Clods
A Bruised Reed Never Almost Sometimes In Summer Substitutes
My wife, Maria, is about ten years older than me. When we were married, over forty years ago, I did not dream that one day she would become more like my child. Our relationship was not always perfect; she went to her home in Puerto Rico several times, and we spent much of our marriage in separate households. Nonetheless, there was never a question of divorce. Neither of us believe in it, and, in spite of the distance, we were still committed to keeping our vow, “Until death us do part.”
Maria has always been a strong-willed, independent person. She prided herself on being able to design and build her own house in Puerto Rico, with no help from me. For about seven years, she lived there alone, paying her own bills, and managing her household. She lived close to three of her sisters, and several other family members. Despite my absence, and that of our daughter and grandchildren, she seemed content with her life.
In 2010, I made the decision to move to Puerto Rico. I had been retired for a number of years, and living by myself, and sometimes with our daughter and grandchildren, in Kentucky and West Virginia. The reason for my going there was that she was having increasing difficulty in living alone, and I was concerned for her safety, and her ability to continue to take care of herself. We lived together in Puerto Rico for most of the next four years. I did not like it there. I speak fluent Spanish, thanks to what I’ve learned with my wife, and I get along well with her family. Nevertheless, the place is crowded, and has a high crime rate. I was bored there, and missed my home, and my own family.
In 2014, I made the decision that the best place for us was back in the states. Maria was having increasing problems with memory loss, along with lung disease and anxiety. Medical care in Puerto Rico was not the best. She also missed our daughter and grandchildren. I had been living in a trailer in eastern Kentucky; I went back to arrange to have it moved to central Kentucky, near our daughter. That fall, I went back to Puerto Rico, to the town of Rincon where we lived. We gathered as many of our belongings as we needed, and went back to Kentucky, Her house has sat empty since then.
We spent three years in the town of Winchester, near Lexington. Every winter was complete misery for her. She has COPD and other lung problems. She was sick pretty much from late fall to early spring. By early 2017, after another hard winter, I decided we needed to head back to warmer climes. I didn’t want to move back to Puerto Rico, so I looked for some place to the south with little or no winter. My wife has family around Orlando, so that was the logical place. After some misadventures, which have been commonplace in our marriage, we finally settled into an apartment in the Orlando metro area, in the town of Winter Springs.
During our first six months here, she became increasingly less interested in cooking, her life’s passion. It seemed she forgot a lot of what she knew about Puerto Rican cooking, after being an excellent cook throughout our marriage before that. Her short-term memory became steadily worse. I still left her alone at times, but with increasing misgivings.
Our daughter and one of our grandchildren came to live with us in 2018. Our daughter was a great help with her mom, and the various errands we had to run. In early 2019, Maria experienced what we believe was a ministroke, passing out on the floor..She was hospitalized for several days. From that point on, her condition was markedly worse. She had great difficulty sleeping, ate poorly, and had wide swings in mood. On a few occasions, she became violent, and we had to call the police. She was admitted to a mental hospital twice. I was appointed as her legal guardian that summer.
Her condition stabilized later in the year, but she still needed constant supervision and care. As is often the case with dementia, she experiences hallucinations, and has problems distinguishing what is real and what isn’t. She still cares for many of her personal needs, but needs assistance with her meals, bathing, and going out in public. She refuses to take medication, which has always been the case with her.
So, the upshot of all of this is that I am now her full-time caregiver. Our daughter has now moved out of state, which leaves the entire responsibility with me. This page contains my own experiences, and what I have learned from them. My hope is that others in the same position may learn something that will help them in similar roles. Above all, I want to share my faith in God, and the central role it has played in my ability to care for my wife with the love and compassion she deserves.
After being my wife’s caregiver for a while, I really struggled with what had happened to us. Really it was more what had happened to me.I was in open-ended commitment, 24/7, with no end in sight. At that time our daughter was still living with us, but I knew that wouldn’t last forever. I sought the Lord about it, because I didn’t have a sense of peace. I knew my responsibility, and that I would fulfill it, but the “Why me?” question kept popping up. That’s when God led me to Matthew 25.
Matthew 25:35 For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: 36 Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.
In ministering to my wife, I was ministering to the Lord. Every time I gave her food, or ministered to her in the captivity of her mine, I was doing it to Christ.
It goes further than that, though. Since she is bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh, I was actually ministering to myself as well. Those wonderful insights,and the power of the Holy Spirit in me, have helped sustain me through all the challenging times since then. He is my peace, and myj joy, my strength. All that I do is for His praise and glory.
As parents of infants, and caregivers of the elderly, know, sleep is a precious commodity. Dementia patients often experience what is called “sundowner syndrome.” Nights and days are reversed, and they sleep during the day, and stay awake at night. My experience with Maria is that this comes in spurts. She will sometimes go for several days with little or not night time sleep, and nap periodically during the day. She just went through a low-sleep period, but slept well last night. This, of course, means that I had several nights of little sleep, but I did sleep through the night last night.
As anyone who is sleep-deprived knows, you become irritable, frustrated, and mentally and physically drained after days of little sleep. I try to sleep during the day, especially when she does, but this isn’t a substitute for regular sleep. In this, as in all things, it is God who sustains me. In the time since I began full-time caregiving, He always gives me what I need, including sleep. Just as my body eventually tries to make up for lost rest, so does hers. The day may come when she will only sleep if drugged, but that day hasn’t come yet. I stand on this promise:
Psalm 127:2 It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep.
I am far from a great cook. My specialties are chili and “arroz con habichuelas” (rice and beans, Puerto Rican style). I can also make a pretty fair beef stew. These are about the only things I make that Maria will eat. What to do with the rest of the week is a problem, especially since I rarely make all three of my signature dishes in the same week. She will eat some frozen foods, like fish or fries, but not frozen dinners as a rule.
There are often times when Maria doesn’t want anything we have in the house. That means I have to order out, usually pizza or McDonald’s. That can get expensive, but I don’t count cost when it comes to keeping her content. I try to get her to take vitamins, but she flatly refuses unless they’re prescribed. Surprisingly, when she has bloodwork, and her vitamin levels are checked, most of them are good. She will eat fruit, of just about any kind, but only rarely eats salads or vegetables. Boiled potatoes or oven-roasted corn are her favorites, though she will also eat sweet potatoes or green beans. I’ve never been a big fan of vegetables myself, so it’s not hard for me to go along with her preferences.
I do rely, as I said, on her blood tests, which are almost uniformly good. I’m still looking for creative ways for her to eat a healthier diet. One thing I do know is that, if she’s hungry, and I don’t have something she wants, she will go to bed hungry. That always means a bad night. So, as the saying goes,if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. :) Even if her diet isn’t as well-balanced as I would like, I would rather have her full than hungry.
My wife has never been a very cooperative patient. For years I have bought prescription meds for her, only to see them being thrown away ultimately, unused. The situation has not improved. Like many dementia patients, she has problems with hallucinations. Doctors have prescribed medication for the problem, but she refuses to take it. We tried putting it in her coffee, but she caught on to the taste, and refused to drink it. She won't eat applesauce, or other soft foods, which are often a vehicle for delivery. The latest thing I plan to try is nutritional drinks. The problem is that the medication, once started, MUST be taken every day. She may drink or eat something one day, but refuse it the next.
We do, in fact, have a doctor in the house from time to time, a "house call" doctor. She comes about once a month. We have also had psychiatric nurses, a clinical nurse, physical therapists, and a medical social worker. That in itself has been a blessing, because getting her to and from a doctor's office, and having her cooperate, have always been major problems. With the pandemic, of course, going to a doctor's office would be very risky, anyway. In spite of her mental problems, she has been blessed with reasonably good health, beyond aches and pains. Her main issue, and the one that makes her especially vulnerable, is chronic lung disease.
I know, as she gets older, that mobility will be more of a problem. I thank God that, right now, she is able to get about with few problems, other than needing a cane to steady herself. My situation is difficult, in caring for her, but I know that others have much greater problems.
It is very common to see stories of those with dementia wandering, or even driving, away from home, and getting lost. In their confused minds, they have a purpose or destination, but don't know how to achieve their purpose. Although I am with Maria 24/7, there are still times I take my eyes off of her for a few minutes, of necessity. Occasionally, maybe once or twice a week, she will take off walking up the street. She thinks she is going to her niece's house (three miles away), or to a doctor's office or a store.
She moves pretty slowly, so it's not hard to catch up to her. Usually after a little while she starts to get tired, and will come back to the house with me. One morning recently, she was convinced she had won the lottery, and was looking for a government office to claim her prize, We walked around the block, which took fifteen or twenty minutes, Our neighbor convinced her it was a scam, and she gave up her idea. The exercise itself is good for her, but it's hard to get her to walk with me on any kind of regular schedule. As long as she's able to walk, I don't mind her little excursions. The people who live here are used to seeing her out walking, and cars give her a wide berth,
There is a spiritual lesson here, an obvious one. When we get confused in our walk, and wander away from God, He watches over us until we're ready to walk along with Him again.
One of the greatest necessities for caregivers is respite time, away from the physical location and the ongoing stress of daily obligations. This is not as difficult for me as it is for some. I have always been an indoor person, since childhood. I became accustomed to spending most of my time at home even before I became a full time caregiver. If I have a few hours out of the house every couple of weeks or so, I'm fine.
One reason is that my real respite is the time I spend with my brethren and friends on Facebook, and with the Lord. That gives me as great a sense of relief and well-being as spending a whole day away by myself. For our Lord Jesus, His time alone with the Father was an absolute necessity, and not one He could always fulfill. He is my constant companion, through every day, regardless of where I am. That, not just respite time, is the secret of enduring any difficult trial we face. It is His strength that refreshes and sustains me.
Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
Whatever mental or mood problems someone has before they get dementia follow them, often in an exaggerated form. My wife can be happy and sweet one moment, and nasty and demanding the next. She has good days, and bad days, and not many in between. As with all her problems, she refuses to be medicated.
Some things exacerbate her problems, others alleviate them. If she's hungry, or hasn't slept well, or can't watch her favorite videos, she gets upset. If her tummy is full, she slept through the night, and she watches something she enjoys. she tends to be in a better mood. The same can be said of me often, so I can't complain too much. There is no hard and fast rule, though; her circumstances can be perfect, and she still is angry and upset. At other times, she doesn't eat or sleep much, but is still cheerful.
The important thing is not to let her mood affect mine. If I react to the negative things she says or does, it just makes things worse, If I remain patient, and still respond with kindness, she may not respond in kind, but at least is no worse. That's not just true of dealing with her, but people in general. Solomon wrote that a soft answer turns away wrath, but angry words stir up anger (Proverbs 15:1). Jesus said to treat others the way we want to be treated, not how they treat us (Luke 6:31). I see the teachings of the Word played out all around me in my own home.
Like most of us, but more so, dementia patients thrive on routine, which helps give a sense of stability. My wife likes things done on the same schedule every day. She also likes watching the same YouTube videos every day. We have a Roku, so she can watch them on the TV to her heart's content.
She will watch one type of video, or one musical group, and then watch the same thing over and over--and over. Her obsession lasts anywhere from three to six months, sometimes more. She fixated on a group called the Mavericks for almost nine months, even though she got mad at them almost every time she watched. After that, it was pan flute music, then train fanning (watching long freight trains go by). Right now, it's video's from her home island of Puerto Rico.
The rest of us in the household--just me, now--get tired of hearing the same thing repeatedly, day after day. You do learn to tune it out after a while, so that it becomes background noise. It keeps her content, and that's well worth the irritation. What is an inconvenience to me helps keep her sane. When we consider what Christ paid as the price of love, what we endure is a small price indeed.
Memory loss is the best known symptom of dementia. The degree varies according to the stage of the disease. For my wife, it's short-term memory. For more advanced cases, it can be virtually all memories. Every day, several times a day, I have to tell her this is our home, and that we live in Florida.
She forgets where the bathroom is, and where things are in the house. This is worse when she first gets up. One thing she doesn't forget is her rabbit, which is always her first concern. :) She will ask what day it is, the calendar on the wall notwithstanding. I know she needs these details to anchor herself in reality, so I never get impatient with her.
Her past, especially her childhood, she still remembers in vivid detail. The later years of her life, after we got married, aren't quite as clear. Names are difficult for her, as are places. The thought that she will one day lose even her past memories is not a pleasant one; it's heartbreaking. I know others in that state. To me, a quick death is more merciful than a slow decay that plays out over years. Regardless, my pledge to love and honor her will not change. There may come a point where I cannot physically care for her, but I will never desert her. Love does not set conditions.
Hallucinations are very common with dementia patients. My wife lives with other people in our home that I can't see, and with critters crawling around on the floor that I can't kill. Sometimes, especially at night, the things and people she sees are frightening. At other times, they are just annoying, even funny.
No amount of reasoning or reassurance will convince her that what she sees and hears isn't real. All I can do is reassure her that God is with us, and that He, and I, won't allow anything to happen to her. She refuses medication, but I've found I can refocus her attention on something else, like the TV or music. Her pet bunny helps a lot in that way, too. :) More on him in another article.
What I can't do is get angry, and berate her about being crazy. The limits of patience and love have to go beyond memory loss and hallucinations and wandering. This is much a learning experience for me as it is a duty of love. If I stay calm, and speak the same way, it soothes her, too. Since she is flesh of my flesh, and bone of my bone, I need to fill in the empty spaces in her life, as God fills mine. The Word also says that she is sanctified by my faith in God, so she is set apart for Him, too. He will bless her through me, and me through her. Insofar as He is my reality, He is hers as well.
As a child, and a bit more than a child, I was a big Bugs Bunny fam. Back on the farm, we hunted rabbits for food, not for sport like Elmer Fudd. I never thought of them as pets, even after I became an adult. The tame rabbits I saw were kept outside, in hutches.
Late last year, our granddaughter got a pet rabbit, which she named Oreo, because of his black and white coloring. All of us in our house became attached to him He was affectionate and cuddly, and easily cared for. When Rebecca and Ariel moved out about a month ago, they took the rabbit along. That about broke Maria's heart, so I got her another one as soon as I could.
She calls him "Pito" (PEE-toh), and she loves him as much as she did Oreo. Every day, she goes out in the yard, and cuts fresh grass for him. She loves to cuddle him, and laughs as she watches his antics. He has the run of the living area of the house. I had to rabbit proof it, including moving electrical cords out of the way or putting them in plastic covers. We still need to do some potty training with him, to let him know that the couch is not suitable for his business. 
:) He is one of the best and most effective forms of therapy I could hope for.
I have had some hearing loss for the past twenty years, and Maria's began deteriorating about ten years ago. When Rebecca was living with us, there was a constant battle about TV volume. Now that we're alone, that, at least, is no longer a problem. :)
It's not that I haven't taken steps to address our hearing problems. We both got hearing aids last year, which my insurance paid for. Unfortunately, Maria never fully accepted hers. To begin with, they were both connected by a string, to keep her from losing them. That resulted in her repeatedly jerking them out, so the audiologist removed the strings. Not long after that, she lost them. We found one, but never did locate the other. The upshot is that she doesn't use hearing aids.
Her hearing is still getting worse. Often I have to yell at her to get her to understand, which only upsets her even more. I've tried writing things down, but she has trouble reading my handwriting or printing. She says I just don't speak clearly. :) Some pitches are easier for her to hear than others; she has little trouble understanding our daughter or other females.
I have found that, sometimes, the only way to get her to understand is to act out what I'm saying. Sign language would be a possibility, but I just don't think she could learn that at this point. My difficulty communicating with her helps me to appreciate a bit more God's effort to talk to us. :)
Maria speaks both Spanish, her native tongue, and English. As she has gotten older, though, she lapses more and more into Spanish, even around people who speak none at all. We have had some good physical therapists and nurses here, but those who don't speak Spanish have a difficult time. I can translate, but it's still very awkward.
Our youngest granddaughter lived with us for two and a half years. She speaks a little Spanish, what she has picked up here, but not much. Her inability to understand her "abuelita" was a source of great frustration for her. The same was true of her father, who visited us often, and our next-door neighbor. Maria always insists that those who can't speak Spanish can still understand her.
There is application here, of course. As Christians, we throw terms like "justification" and "atonement" around, without explaining what they are. In this post-Christian world, most people don't understand our vocabulary. That's true of even basic concepts like "salvation" and "sin." We need to have enough of an understanding of our faith to explain to others,
1 Peter 3:15 But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear:
For as long as I can remember, Maria has liked to hide things away. During the many times we've moved, I almost always come across things she thought were lost, or that I never knew we had. It has gotten worse in recent years. Now, if she can't find something, she is convinced someone has stolen it. Mostly, it's small things like combs or pens or socks, but there was a time when she would hide large sums of money around her room. We finally put it all in the bank. Whenever someone sends her money for a gift, or I give her some spending money, she promptly hides it away.
I can identify, to a degree, and most of us can as we get older. I forget where I've put things, and it may take me awhile to find them. How many people haven't forgotten where they put their keys? It's just that, in her case, the problem has gotten worse. She has hidden some things that I never have found, and our house is not that big. :)
It is nice to see her pleased reaction when something she thought was gone turns up, because she finds it or I do. That reminds me of one of the parables of Jesus:
Luke 15:8 Either what woman having ten pieces of silver, if she lose one piece, doth not light a candle, and sweep the house, and seek diligently till she find it? 9 And when she hath found it, she calleth her friends and her neighbours together, saying, Rejoice with me; for I have found the piece which I had lost. 10 Likewise, I say unto you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner that repenteth.
Our faith in God is certainly influenced by what happens around us. If our faith doesn't produce results, as James wrote, it's dead. Nonetheless, what happens on the outside should be the result, not the cause, of what we believe. The things I do and say to my wife shouldn't be a reaction to what she's doing, but the consequence of my relationship with God in Christ.
Let me illustrate it this way. If she is having a bad day, and says and does nasty things, I have two choices. I can either respond in kind, and make things worse, or I can continue to be patient and kind with her. There are times when I make the wrong choice, and I quickly come to regret it. It's not just that my attitude makes things worse, but that I immediately fall under conviction from the Spirit.
Everything I see and hear is colored by my experience of Christ in me. I can endure isolation, emotional demands, and physical hardship because His joy gives me strength. His Word is my guide, and my fellowship with Him is the light of my darkness. In my most trying times, He is my praise. I can minister to others because He ministers daily to me. The view from the inside today is perfect. :)
This is the most important question we will ever ask ourselves. Until we can say, "A child of God," no other answers matter. I am a father, a husband, a caregiver, and an American. None of these define who I am, just the roles I fill.
If we go through our days defeated, depressed, filled with fear, or feeling helpless, we're giving the wrong answers to life's burning question. Just saying, "I am a child of God," is true, but do we really know what that means? It means, first of all, that our own identities are given up for His:
Galatians 2:20 I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.
Since Christ lives in us, as God's children, we no longer need to suffer want, live with self-hatred or doubt, or have any fear about what is happening around us. Just as He lives in us, we live in Him. There is no more secure place in the universe. Regardless of our circumstances, or where we live, or what we're doing, we have the assurance of His presence, power, grace, and love in our lives. Can I get an amen in the house!
Do you remember all the times you messed up in your life? Can you list them all? Unless you have a photographic memory, probably not. Guess what? The God of all the universe, who knows everything, doesn't remember them either, once He forgives them! Some believers have the mistaken idea that God has some kind of tote sheet, that accumulates all the bad things they do. How could He possibly forgive me, when I've done the same thing over and over?
If we're unrepentant sinners, that's true. But, as His beloved children, once we confess our sins, the slate is wiped clean. That's not to say that repeated sin, especially presumptuous sin, doesn't have consequences, because it does/ If we keep on sinning, and don't clear accounts, our conscience becomes hardened, and we may stop confessing at all. Even it we repent of a sin like drug abuse, but keep returning to it, the effects on our bodies may be irreversible. Some people repent conditionally, knowing they will probably go back to their sin, and that really isn't repentance at all. True repentance has to involve real change.
Nonetheless, just because we messed up doesn't mean we can't seek forgiveness again. God doesn't remember the other times we confessed, and failed again. He is always gracious and loving, ready to forgive us and restore our relationship with Him. Remember, though, that every sin has a price, one which Christ paid willingly. We need to keep that in mind when the next time comes and the choice to obey or rebel faces us.
Psalm 37:23 The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way. 24 Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the Lord upholdeth him with his hand.
Other than love, nothing is more necessary for the caregiver than patience. It's not a virtue that comes easily. Some people pray for it, only to discover that the path to getting it goes through tribulation (Romans 5:3). It's not that my wife deliberately tries to provoke me, but her mood shifts, frustrations, and memory problems often test my patience to the limits. Beyond, actually, as I respond with anger more often than I should.
Although patience is a worthy goal in itself, our growth as believers doesn't stop there. Here is what James says:
James 1:3 Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. 4 But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.
The end result of patience is spiritual maturity (one translation of perfection), as we learn to trust our wants and needs to God. That's why we "want nothing," or lack nothing, because He is our supply and our source. As we delight in Him, which is the goal of patience, He gives us our heart's desire, Jesus Himself. (Psalms 37:4) We are patient with others because we view them as God does, with eyes of love. We get angry because someone invades our personal space, or doesn't give us what we want or expect. Patience changes our priorities; rather than seeking our own good, we look to the best for others. That's my desire for my wife.
Kindness looks beyond words and deeds to see the need. Our human response is to meet anger with anger, hatred with hatred, abuse with abuse. That's not the way of Christ, who said to bless those who persecute you and despitefully use you (Matthew 5:44).
When we see a need, and it's within our ability to meet it, we should not turn away (1 John 3:17). That's more than just physical need, though. The world is full of needy people, and the greatest need of all is their need for Christ. Kindness is the outward expression of mercy, which seeks the good of those who don't deserve it.
My wife can be angry, vindictive, and totally beyond reason. Kindness does not respond to what she does or says. Some traits of her personality have always been there, and some have come with, or been worsened by, her dementia. Either way, my role is to treat her always with understanding, tenderness, and respect. I know that her behavior comes in large part from her illness, but, regardless, I must always see her as God sees her. That's the least I can do, since He looks at me, with all my flaws and weaknesses, in the same way. Love first; everything else comes after.
As a child, I had plans to be a preacher. That thought stayed in my mind even after i started college, majoring in history. I first wanted to be a teacher in public schools, then decided I wanted to teach in college. In my senior year in college, I changed my mind again, and enrolled in a seminary, to become a preacher. I lasted there about six weeks, and, in a time of spiritual crisis, came home.
Two years later, I started graduate school at the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill, deciding I would become a history professor after all. By the time I got my Masters degree, the field had closed up, and I would have had to borrow money to continue. I didn't pursue a PhD, as I had planned.
There were other plans never realized--becoming a professional singer, writing books professionally. None of them came to fruition. At seventy years old, I look back on my life, with no regrets at all. The saddest place for someone my age to dwell is in the land of Might Have Been. I am what I am, by God's grace, and I am content with that. That is the secret of peace--to be content with Christ, no matter where we are, or what we're doing. Success, to me, doesn't consist in how much money I have, or how well-known in the world. Success is being in the center of God's will, under the shadow of the Almighty.
Philippians 4:11 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.
If it were within my power, the one thing I would give you is peace of mind. Only the Lord can give it, though. Jesus Himself said He was leaving it with us (John 14:27). It's not something we earn, or strive after. It's already there. To the the degree we have the Spirit in our lives, we have peace. It is not just the presence of God, but the absence of things like anxiety, fear, and frustration.
Peace comes from keeping our focus on God (Isaiah 26:3), and lifting our prayers to Him with praise and thanksgiving (Philippians 4:6-7). It does not depend on our circumstances, on where we are or what we're doing. Whether we're in a crowd or all alone, God is always with us.
I am at peace being in the house with my wife for days on end. Having a respite time away from the house is helpful, but if that doesn't happen for a while, I can still be at peace. It's only when I take my focus off of Him and look at my own problems that I lose my peace and joy. As I wrote in an earlier post, I find refreshing doing what I'm doing now, and in spending time with God. Want peace? Praise God!
I hate mowing grass, especially with a little push mower like mine. During the Florida wet season, though, if you cut your grass at all, it will most likely be wet. The problem is, of course, that the stuff clumps up underneath the mower, and impedes the blade. I've discovered that there is a warning sign before the machine stops altogether--it starts making a knocking noise. If I stop walking until the noise stops, I can go on. It's a slow process, but I get it done. One of these days I'll be able to afford a better mower. :)
The point of the article, though, is not to complain about the vicissitudes of lawn care. ) How's that for a nine dollar word? :) ) What occurred to me is that we often get warning signs of bad things that are about to happen. With a car, it may also be noises, or even smells. With a marriage, it may be constant conflicts. and emotional distance. When it comes to our relationship with God, the warning signs are more subtle.
They may come in a different order, but they include a loss of desire to study the word and pray, and to attend church. There are good and bad reasons for not assembling with other believers, but we are commanded to do it (Hebrews 10:25). Feeding on the Word and communing in prayer are absolutely essential.
In advanced cases of rebellion, we take up the habits of the world. The things that once troubled our conscience cease to do so. When we reach this point, the warning signs may go away, but we may find ourselves in misery. The Lord often allows very bad things to come our way, toi get our attention. That. though, is another story.
Growing up in the country, I was around chickens a lot. It was not at all unusual to see an old hen lying in the grass, or in the dust, with her wings spread over a brood of chicks. If you didn't already know, you found out pretty quickly not to get too close to her, Being flogged by an angry hen is no fun.
This is the image that Jesus evokes when He mourns over Jerusalem:
Matthew 23:37 O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, thou that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not!
It is the same kind of tender protective love we see in the Psalms over and over again, as in this passage:
Psalm 57:1 Be merciful unto me, O God, be merciful unto me: for my soul trusteth in thee: yea, in the shadow of thy wings will I make my refuge, until these calamities be overpast.
It is what Psalm 91 means when it refers to living in the shadow of the Almighty. We are never alone in this world when we are God's. As long as we trust in Him, and don't stray away, He always has us covered. Whenever you're feeling lost and alone, remember that you're covered by the shadow of His wings.
One of my more unpleasant, but necessary, duties is cleaning the rabbit's cage every day or two. Every good pet parent does that for their pets, both for sanitary and comfort reasons. We do the same for our children, and for those for whom we are caregivers. If it's done just out of a sense of obligation, and "have to," it can quickly become an unpleasant chore. If it's done out of love and concern, it's no chore at all.
God has the same kind of "chore" with His own children. We are in constant need of cleaning and cleansing from the filth of sin, often several times a day. If it were not for that. we would be creatures of filth, living in filth. It's not just cleaning the temple of the Holy Spirit, inside of us, but giving us a bath in the cleansing blood of Christ. All of us know feeling of coming out of the shower or bath, fresh and clean, after going in dirty and grimy and sweaty. We can enjoy that same kind of feeling when the Holy Spirit does His work of cleansing in us. He does it out of love for us, not because it's something He dreads doing. Enjoy the feeling. :)
1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
When my older brother Jack was still alive, his morning routine was to make the rounds of several family houses, and have a cup of coffee in each one. They are within easy walking distance of each other. I also like my morning coffee, but just in my own house. I really don't like the taste of coffee that much, but I like the experience of drinking it. I put a lot of milk in mine, about half a cup. That's the only way it is palatable for me.
A lot of people don't like the unadulterated gospel. They want to leave out the more demanding parts, or add things that make it more palatable. That includes not heeding the warnings about the things of the world, or adding emotion-driven worship as a substitute for genuine fellowship with God. The taste of the Word is not bitter unless we have bitterness within ourselves. When we mix it with what we already have in us, our flesh comes under conviction for things that belong there. Unlike the taste of coffee for me, when we let God remove what doesn't belong in us, we realize just how sweet the Word really is.
Psalm 34:8 O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him.
Forgive me for all the bunny references, but they are the ones closest at hand. :) Most of our floors are hardwood, and it's funny to watch him try to run. His claws can't gain purchase, and he slips and slides before he finally gets under way.
When we aren't anchored in the Gospel, empowered by God's Spirit, we will have trouble making progress, too. Our movements are awkward, and oftentimes we are just spinning our wheels. We've all heard the expression, "one step forward, and two steps back." Why do we lose ground spiritually? The reasons are always the same. We aren't feeding on God's Word as we should, and we aren't spending enough time in the fellowship of prayer. It's not complicated. Any spiritual checklist should start with those two items. Everything else--unconfessed sin, feelings of bitterness, hopelessness, helplessness--will fall into place if we take care of these first.
Ephesians 6:17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: 18 Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;
For years, when I lived by myself, I was content to have dinner out of a can or a box. That changed after I married a good cook. :) Even then, there were some things I continued to eat off the shelf of a grocery store, like chili. After my wife reached the point of not being able to cook, I began making some dishes on my own, including chili. Now, when I eat the canned variety, I realize how totally awful it is. :)
Many Christians are spiritually lazy. Instead of discovering things on their own, they turn to TV teachers, popular Christian authors, and online ministries. Many of these are not bad in themselves; some are quite good. The problem is, that without learning the truths of scripture on our own, we have no basis of comparison. We can be fed half-truths, and out and out heresy, and not even recognize it.
We all need good teachers in our lives in Christ. Our greatest need, though, is to learn under the instruction of the Holy Spirit. Everything we hear or read needs to be set against the standards and teachings of the Word. That is another reason why our own time in studying scripture, and meditating on it, is so vitally important, Ignorance is neither an excuse nor a virtue.
Galatians 1:8 But though we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel unto you than that which we have preached unto you, let him be accursed. 9 As we said before, so say I now again, if any man preach any other gospel unto you than that ye have received, let him be accursed.
I first became aware I had a problem with my eyesight when I was about six years old. I heard my mother say she didn't want to send me to school because of it. I got my first pair of glasses when I was in the second grade, with the help of a teacher. I wore glasses from that point on for most of the next fifty years. The sad thing is that they did very little to help my eyesight. I have a rare condition called ocular albinism, and glasses don't help. The ones that magnify help me a bit with reading, and that's what I'm using right now.
What do I see? Everything you do, but without clarity. I can't describe things I see at any distance, including faces, and i can't read signs or text unless I'm close. I've never thought of this as a handicap; it's just the way things are. I do what I need to do and go on.
My purpose here, though, is not just to share that part of my testimony, but to point out a truth it illustrates. The only way we can see God, and understand what He says, is to draw close to Him. As the old hymn says, "And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace."
James 4:8 Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded.
My daddy was a farmer for most of his life. One of the things he did in the spring was run a harrow over the garden area. The purpose was to break up the soil, especially the hard clods that formed over the winter. That made it easier to come back later with a plow to prepare the ground for planting.
When the Holy Spirit first begins working in someone's life, the soil of the heart is hard, and can't receive the seed of the Gospel. Breaking up the soil is often slow, painful work, involving trials, crises, and heartbreaks. It is only when our hearts of pride and selfishness are broken into pieces that God can plant His Word in us. The work of rebuilding, of putting a life together again, can take years, but the end result is beautiful, Just as the goal of preparing a garden and sowing seed is a good harvest, the goal of planting the Word in our lives is to look more and more like Christ.
Matthew 13:23 But he that received seed into the good ground is he that heareth the word, and understandeth it; which also beareth fruit, and bringeth forth, some an hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty.
I read and hear so much from, and about, people who are hurting because of the cruelty and thoughtlessness of others. It may be because of their race or nationality, their physical appearance, or their social status. I've seen it happen with my own wife, because she is Hispanic. I especially see it with so many friends who have spent a lifetime of humiliation because of the color of their skin.
There are two common responses to the pain others inflict. One is to withdraw inside a wall of self-loathing and fear. The other is to strike out at those causing the pain, or at anyone who happens to be in the way. Neither of these is the way of Christ. When we look to other people for affirmation, when we base our opinion of ourselves on what they do or say, we will always be disappointed and discouraged. The key to happiness and fulfillment in life is to see ourselves as God sees us, of infinite worth.
Just as Jesus reached out to touch the lepers, who were despised and rejected by their society, so He reaches out to heal us. He doesn't just heal our physical problems, but the deep wounds in our soul. As believers, and children of the same Father, we should also reach out to one another, to any who are hurting. The measure of love is not to love those who love us, but to love those who are unloving as well.
To all my brethren whose skin is black, to all who come from other countries, to all whose beliefs are different from mine, my message is the same: I love you! To those who strike out in anger, whatever the color of their skin, I love you! I love you because He first loved me. As He loves, and died for, the WHOLE word, I love you!
Matthew 12:20 A bruised reed shall he not break, and smoking flax shall he not quench, till he send forth judgment unto victory.
One definition of sin is to miss the mark, or fall short of the goal. In the Kingdom of God, almost is never good enough, If we almost become Christians, like King Agrippa, (Acts 26:28), we're still lost and bound for hell. If we almost trust God enough to do something, but don't do it, it is still left undone.
The truth is, if we're left on our own, we will never please God in anything, We can never be good enough to deserve eternal life, even if we dedicate all of our time and effort to it (Romans 3:23). Trying to do things on our own only results in endless frustration and hopelessness, We don't have to live like that, All the power we need exists in the Holy Spirit, who lives in all believers. We must let Him do the work, Sure, He may use our mouth, hands and feet, but we are His instruments, not gods in our own right. Without Him, we can do nothing at atl (John 15:5); with Him, we can do everything (Philippians 4:13).
Florida and summer and hot are words that always go together. We had some hot days in summer up north, but the word "hot" was relative. There, a day in the eighties is hot, but having days on end in the nineties is all but unheard of. The average temperature here during the summer is over ninety, I lived for several years in Puerto Rico, where it is also very hot, but there is some relief there from the sea breeze.
In any event, I have grown accustomed to the heat, though not everyone does. I can endure a hot day much better than the cold winter days up north. The point is that we can get comfortable with what is around us, for good or bad. Even if it's harsh, we grow accustomed to what is around us. That's why abused spouses so often have trouble getting out of abusive situations; as bad as things are, if's their normal. It's why people caught up in a sinful lifestyle have trouble breaking away from it; as bad as it is, it's what they're accustomed to.
There is only one way to break out of the bondage of sin, whatever form it takes. The only Way is through Christ.The freedom He offers is the only real freedom we have. If I want to leave the hot summer weather of Florida, I can do that. When it comes to leaving behind a life of sin, though, I could never do that on my own. It's only possible in and through Him.
John 8:34 Jesus answered them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whosoever committeth sin is the servant of sin. 35 And the servant abideth not in the house for ever: but the Son abideth ever. 36 If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.
They often get a bad name. These days, more substitutes than ever are taking the place of regular teachers, because of Covid-19. When I was in school, the substitute was usually a retired teacher, and I'm sure that's still the case now. In ball games, the subs come in to allow the regulars to rest.
We use substitutes in other areas of our lives. Margarine is a substitute for butter, and almond milk takes the place of regular milk for some. Usually the substitute is not as good as the original. That's even more the case when we try to substitute things for God/
God created us to worship Him. That need is deeply rooted in all of us/ When we refuse to worship Him, or don't do it out of ignorance, other things take His place. These include money, religion, power, material things, other people, careers, drugs, or any of many other things. None of them will replace our relationship with Him. Everything wrong in this world comes ultimately from our rejection of God, which the Bible calls sin. The whole purpose of salvation is to make us whole again, meaning that God fills in all our empty places. There is no substitute.